Google’s Girlfriend

With respect to my boyfriend…that’s all I’m going to say about it.

Google and Facebook scratch each other’s back - Search Engine Journal

Yahoo is more gay friendly than Google - Valleywag 

Why is everyone picking on my boyfriend?  - Flyte

Gmail just got fatter! - Search Engine Roundtable

Google turns chef into Millionaire - Search Engine Land 

iGoogle will get you fired! - Wired 

Google and I are still fighting. So when he showed up at my door yesterday I was excited, figuring he was coming to apologize and beg for forgiveness..and maybe even bring flowers. WRONG! Google was dressed in black. Which was weird, and when I asked him about it.. this is what I got:

Google users in the San Francisco Bay Area will notice today that we “turned the lights out” on the Google.com homepage as a gesture to raise awareness of a citywide energy conservation event called Lights Out San Francisco.

On Saturday, October 20, 2007, Lights Out San Francisco invites the entire city of San Francisco to install one compact fluorescent light bulb (CFL) and turn off all lights for one hour, from 8:00 pm to 9:00 pm PDT. According to estimates, turning the lights out in San Francisco for even one hour could save as much as 15 percent of the energy consumed on an average Saturday night.

Given our company’s commitment to environmental awareness and energy efficiency, we strongly support the Lights Out campaign, and have darkened our homepage today to help spread awareness of what we hope will be a highly successful citywide event.

This is just getting ridiculous, if he doesn’t make this up to me…I might just ‘turn the lights off’ on our relationship too!

• Google gave me a peace offering and moved the biattch controversial video down two notches
• Oh yeah and apparently he’s too busy making money to actually come over and talk to me..all I get is an email apology.
• He’s getting ready to put the smack down on Facebook…
• Google is going to revolutionize the health care industry
• He started correcting my spelling..which totally irritates me.
• Google likes to give more than he receives (I can vouch for that..hehe)

And that’s it for now..I don’t know if Google and I will be able to overcome this hump in our relationship…keep you posted.

P.S. Anyone going to Gmail this weekend?

Mood: Aggravated

Besides THIS DEBACLE here are a list of 5 more reasons why Google isn’t a good boyfriend:

5. He’s like a secret spy…he knows everything I do. So what if I was looking for my 5th grade boyfriend online!

4. He keeps changing his (algo)rhythm, one day he’s up one day he’s down…

3. He’s got all these inbound links coming in from other girls..WTF?

2. One word: FLORIDA.

1. He works ALL THE TIME!

Ahhh! What started out as a great day,( thanks to last night), has spiralled into quite possibly the worst day for Google and me EVER!

Here it goes:

I googled myself (Yes, I do it often..need to make sure Google still loves me!): Google’s Girlfriend, and thankfully I’m still #1. Where I should be! BUT right there at #4 is a video…and check out the title, “My Ex-Girlfriend Lucy shows off her pu–y“.

Is this Google’s idea of joke? Why is he broadcasting this video of his ex-girlfriend? He needs to have some kind of spam filter when it comes to revealing his past relationships.

I’m soooo Pi$$ed right now..I can’t even type!

Mood: Explosive

I was watching, What Not to Wear last night on TLC and decided it would fun be to dress up Google. We all know he isn’t the most style savvy…while Google’s simple look is classic, it’s not necessarily sexy. (And that is super important to me!) It did take some convincing..but we finally got him to look super optimized and he looks AMAZING..doesn’t he?

Cross Linking - Check

Fresh Content - Check

Inbound Links - Check

Social Bookmarking Icons - Check

Blog, Keyword Density, and MORE inbound links - Check

Partnerships - Check

Cruft-Free URL - Check

Google is looking so dizzamn sexy now..I just want to rip off all those inbound links…See ya!

Mood: Giddy

Music: Dress You Up in My Love by Madonna

I’m hearing rather loud rumblings that Google might surprise me with a GPhone for Christmas. I’ve been at a loss ever since my T-mobile Dash crapped out on me a month ago…and while I was going to buy this one, I think I might just wait a couple months to see what’s under my Christmas Tree.

My only question is…will it come in pink?

Dear Yahoo,

I get it..you like me. Your flirtacious ways have not gone unnoticed. I see that you are gaining some momentum in the ad spend race…you had a great summer…and my boyfriend did not. Big Deal. The truth is, I love Google, and I wouldn’t even consider putting my pennies in your bag..so take your boring 3rd Qtr gains and go try to attract someone else..because I’m Google’s girlfriend..and no matter what…I would NEVER date you.

P.S. I will NEVER go to Panama with you…quit asking!

If Google and I have one more argument over paid links..I’m going to explode. He keeps accusing me of buying paid links that I can’t afford….even telling my friends to keep an eye on me and to report any suspicious linkbuilding activities. He is serious? Who does he think he is?

Its true that most of my friends have purchased some really cute paid links..but…they are soooo last season. Anyone who knows about what’s in, knows that paid links don’t last long and aren’t really even flattering…they just makes you look hungry for attention…kinda like Rod Stewart in a bright yellow lamborghini.

Sorry for the rant..it’s Monday y’all…

Mood: Pi$$ed